Peacefully Ridiculing Poorly Thought Out, Unscientific Mask Mandates
If the United States distributed every adult a supply of N95 masks and then mandated their use among the entire population for a limited period of time, I would comply. I take no umbrage with employers mandating their employees wear masks in the workplace either. Unlike mandatory pharmaceuticals, mask wearing is a temporary measure that does not alter the employee’s physiology, does not require them to report personal medical decisions to unqualified and undeserving entities, and allows for complete medical autonomy during their personal time. Ubiquitous use of effective protective gear would undoubtedly do something to curb the spread of COVID - perhaps even more than the currently available, mRNA pharmaceuticals, with their waning efficacy1, do alone. This is why I maintain a supply of N95 masks for use in situations where I think they are warranted, such as spending extended periods of time in close proximity to coworkers or going to the doctor’s office.
Anything of a lower quality than an N95 mask, which filters forty-six percent of expelled COVID aerosols, is comparably ineffective. Homemade masks only catch ten percent of COVID aerosols, while cheap surgical masks only stop twelve percent2. When local jurisdictions allow everyone to drive to the fabric store and turn compliance into a fashion statement, mask mandates amount to little more than theater. I know not of a single, municipal mask mandate that actually follows the science and prohibits arts and crafts from falsely posing as valid protection from a disease the nightly news treats as an existential crisis.
Given the mind-boggling lack of attention to detail in government mask mandates, the bureaucrats writing these rules appear to be more concerned with public perception than public health. The requirements put forth this year by the mayor of my home town of Cary, North Carolina3 are an excellent example of weak language rendering an executive order worthless:
“Face Covering” means a covering of the nose and mouth that is secured to the head with ties, straps, or loops over the ears and fits snugly against the side of a person’s face. A Face Covering can be made of a variety of synthetic and natural fabrics, including cotton, silk, or linen. Ideally, a Face Covering has (2) or more layers. A Face Covering may be factory-made, sewn by hand, or can be improvised from household items such as scarfs, bandanas, t-shirts, sweatshirts, or towels. Individuals are encouraged to review CDC guidance on appropriate Face Coverings.
Sure, my mayor has decreed that a face covering ideally has two or more layers, and he has encouraged me to review CDC guidance, but I am in no way obligated to do so. I am nowhere near worried enough about COVID to wear an N95 to the grocery store when tying a ratty, old t-shirt around your head qualifies as “masking up”. Unquestioning compliance with such open-ended, unscientific mandates only plunges our country even further towards absurd, totalitarian ends that I am far more worried about than COVID. Therefore, I acquired the following mask from Etsy, which is in perfect accordance with the compulsory portions of the mayor’s mandate.
As with all forms of humor, the most important aspect of ridiculous compliance is timing. If I simply wore this mask everywhere, I would be sure to receive a few evil eyes and maybe a high five or two, but the sting of ridicule would not land nearly as hard or on target as it could. Instead, my default is to keep my mask – which only filters ten percent less COVID aerosols than the mask you copied from Pinterest – securely in my pocket. I then go anywhere I please, completely maskless, with a copy of the mayor’s mandate in my wallet.
Most people simply don’t care when others have made the decision to live as free-breathers, and will let us go on our way; I have yet to have a single person say anything to me, although I have received a few dirty looks. If the time comes when someone not only cares but cares enough to aggressively intercept me, that’s when the fun will happen. I plan to stop dead in my tracks and say, very politely and with a look of absolute shock and embarrassment, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I must have forgotten to put it on,” then reach in my pocket, like Carrot Top going into his trunk of props.
As Saul Alinsky’s sixth rule states, “A good tactic is one your people enjoy.”4
New York Times What We Know So Far About Waning Vaccine Effectiveness https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/11/11/science/vaccine-waning-immunity.html
National Center for Biotechnology Information: Experimental investigation of indoor aerosol dispersion and accumulation in the context of COVID-19: Effects of masks and ventilation https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8320385/